roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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