this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
