talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
