I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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