just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
