He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
