you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
