i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
