During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I wear drunk well.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize