She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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