i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
