Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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