we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
