Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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