new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
