Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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