so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize