the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
