I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
