____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
