hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
