i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
