I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
