My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
