i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
