My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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