You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Farmville is her only friend.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dick very happy bro
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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