just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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