Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
