the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
