I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
