Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize