If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
