I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
