I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
