that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
