they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
