shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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