The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
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I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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