toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
