Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
