Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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