No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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