look no pants
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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