its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
