I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
