Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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