I just cut my nipple shaving
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
