so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
