my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
