my mouth tastes like poor choices
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
