I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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