I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
