Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My nipple is on Facebook.
Your tits are I can't wait for
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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