I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
