I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
