I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
only if we run a train.
done.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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