yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think I have vodka in my lungs
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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