I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
