In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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