woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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