I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
