I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
