be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
