one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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