My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
