I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
