Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
