I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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