used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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